Tip: Before you rush to criticize or label the person in front of you, take a moment to understand him/her. Objectively speaking, some emotions are more challenging to tolerate than others. Do Emotionally Mature Individuals Live Happier Lives? On the opposite pole, emotionally mature individuals learn to make the best with what they have instead of getting frustrated and upset when things don’t go as planned. [1] For adolescents, emotional maturity leads to an increased sense of well-being. If you've ever been around a toddler or a teenager for any length of time, you know what emotional ‘immaturity’ looks like. All rights reserved. One of the fundamental truths of life is that we’re not always in control of how things will unfold. She’s written for The Atlantic, New York Magazine, Teen Vogue, Quartz, The Washington Post, and many more. There’s a good chance that the way you visualize happiness in ten years will be different from the way you see it now. It’s challenging for them to exercise control over their reactions, given how little attention they pay to their emotional reactions. When a person gets along with others, it … Not necessarily to change them, but to learn to live with them. Another study on adolescents revealed that emotional intelligence and emotional regulation are strong predictors for happiness and optimism. Let’s begin with a recent study that investigated the relationship between emotional maturity and general well-being. I have seen myself change and grow over my life and I have also seen Sheila and my two daughters develop emotional maturity over their lives. Regardless of their age, emotionally mature people constantly validate aspects of their identity that others may label as ‘childish.’. Emotional maturity is a daily investment, a continuous awakening. What Does It Mean to Be Emotionally Mature? Did you wish them well and ask how you could help them celebrate, or did you withdraw and become annoyed at them for sharing details? When you develop emotional maturity, life becomes a joy rather than a chore. Here are seven ways you can be more emotionally mature. A value-driven life is like a compass that allows you to navigate challenging situations without straying off course. Empathy is a fundamental aspect of emotional maturity. Granite Recovery Centers offers comprehensive, personalized drug rehab treatment plans that treat co-occurring disorders (such as conditions related to emotional immaturity) that address the destructive emotional and behavioral patterns that lead to drug addiction. Many of these are for entertainment purposes and aren’t clinically reliable or valid. Based on the theory of CBT, we put together a guide to help you weed…, How do you know if changes in mood are normal, a sign of a mental health condition, or related to your hormones? Critical parts of the brain like the prefrontal cortex — which helps curb risk-taking behavior — don’t fully develop until about the age of 25. Can you see how others may have it worse? If you’ve got this far in the article and have found that some of the points above do not ring true for you, this certainly does not make you a bad person. Emotionally mature people see how their emotions impact themselves and … Don’t avoid it just to get momentary relief. One way to exercise emotional maturity is to practice mindfulness. Learn how to care for your tattoo, what to expect in the first month, the signs of infection…. 1) Be in the moment. Tip: Identify the areas in your life where you tend to be a perfectionist or set unrealistic standards and make a cost-benefit analysis. From another perspective, How to Develop Emotional Maturity (from iLoveIndia) Anyone can develop emotional maturity in oneself by keeping a track of certain points, given as follows. It’s a skill set they can consistently work on over time. Do you express gratitude or stay stuck in rehashing everything that’s gone wrong? Setting healthy boundaries is a form of self-love and respect. No matter how intense or unbearable it may feel, every emotional experience is a valuable opportunity to build resilience and emotional maturity. It’s normal to feel extra sensitive from time to time. The fact that they have a good grasp on their feelings – and don’t wallow in self-pity or regret – allows them to cultivate a ‘glass-half-full’ mentality. Self-control leads to a better understanding of our emotions and those of others. But he also notes, that sometimes achieving the emotional maturity required for Kindergarten may simply take time. In a world that is often moving faster than we can keep up, it seems that few still have the patience to get to know a person. An emotionally mature person always prefers to see the positive in every situation, no matter how bad things may seem. Supporting children to develop emotional maturity . All and all, empathy is a valuable trait that ensures personal and professional growth. The important adults in children’s lives influence their development when they interact with them. You Have a Realistic Perspective on Love and Relationships, 9. This often leads to anger outbursts and heated debates over how right and who’s wrong. Emotional maturity is the process by which you learn to successfully navigate your entire emotional spectrum, taking responsibility for how you feel about yourself, others, and the world around you. This gives you more insight into how you can respond to a situation and what your needs are. No more drama, no more wallowing in self-pity, no more losing yourself in regrets. For emotionally immature individuals, feelings are a headache rather than an opportunity to understand themselves better. Rather than snap at someone’s offensive remark, you may determine that it’s time to move on from an unhealthy friendship. Furthermore, values and principles cultivate stability and facilitate decisions based on personal beliefs, not momentary emotional impulses. Check out our guide on protecting your emotional space. Overall, emotional maturity occurs via practice. But I get it. Work hard to achieve your goals. But there is one psychological construct that indicates how well we cope with unexpected (and unpleasant) events that generate emotional discomfort and throw us off the track. Tattoo aftercare starts as soon as your tattoo is done. People can never show emotional maturity in the face of external situations if we do not know how to apply ourselves first. In other words, you strive to become aware of your emotional reactions and take the time to educate yourself on how emotions work. “The mature know, and have made their peace with the idea that being close to anyone will open them up to being hurt,” de Botton concludes. For example, if one of your core values is security, you can exercise it by opening a savings account or creating a new revenue stream. One of the most common signs of emotional immaturity is the lack of tolerance for emotional discomfort. You can also start off by asking yourself some basic questions to get a sense of where you are. Or when someone points out that we did something inappropriate. At first glance, it would be intuitive to assume that emotional maturity contributes to our overall sense of happiness and well-being. For emotionally mature individuals, a failed business or a relationship that has come to an end is part of the journey, not the end of the world. There’s no invisible force that ‘settles the score’ when life doesn’t treat you the way you think it should. There are so many factors to consider, not to mention that each of us have our own version of a happy life. Blog. She writes often about the intersections between health, wellness, and the science of human behavior. Exercising this kind of ownership can help you take control of your choices. 6 Books on How to Develop Emotional Maturity and Stay Grounded; There are indeed hundreds of books on how to develop emotional maturity, but it would be unwise to spend your precious time and money on generic works and insights. One of the most valuable and consistent rewards that you can reap from living an emotionally mature life is emotional independence. Emotional immaturity, on the other hand, can lead you to lash out at others when you experience difficult feelings and ultimately damage your relationships. They know how to respond to tough situations and still keep their cool. Good Morning Gorgeous!! [2]. If you work on it … Put yourself in his/her shoes and figure out the reason behind an attitude or remark that you think is “wrong.”. Alexander Draghici is a licensed Clinical Psychologist, CBT practitioner, and content writer for various mental health websites. The ability to adjust your perspective – not just on happiness, but everything else – based on how your life unfolds, keeps you anchored in reality. Long story short, one conclusion we can draw from current research is that emotional maturity is a multi-faceted construct and a process that can contribute significantly to a happy and fulfilling life. To have emotional maturity means to have developed, to some extent, the characteristics listed below. Ask yourself, “What do I lose, and what do I gain by holding on to the standards I set for myself or others? If the toddler doesn't get her way, she might scream, nag, stomp, and fall on the floor in a fit of rage and frustration. A pleasant walk, a tasty meal, a friendly smile from your neighbor, the bus arriving right on time; these are the moments when you should pause and enjoy them. and are well-aware that happiness is a lifelong journey. Taking the pressure off yourself and placing it on someone else’s shoulders creates a momentary sense of relief. They have the strength to carry on even during the toughest times of their lives. Long story short, happiness, just like emotional maturity or professional growth, is a lifelong process. When you’re emotionally mature, you know very well that perfection is just a word that has absolutely no real-life application. There’s no guarantee that he or she will change his/her attitude, but at least you did more than just wallow in bitterness and resentment. You’re also not interested in being seen as “perfect” all the time. Tip: Go to lifevaluesinventory.org and discover your core values. Being exposed to a wider range of experiences at a younger age is one example. Emotional maturity involves a solid set of values and principles based on which you live your day-to-day life. It isn’t enough to be able to identify your own emotions. It’s easier to avoid than to confront, and I’m sure there are many reasons you keep telling yourself that you can’t stand certain emotions. Not sure how to go about it? Those with emotional maturity can admit when they need help or when they’re burning out. The first requirement to develop emotional maturity is to possess a high knowledge about oneself, to know one's own personality, as well How to be aware of the ways of thinking and ways of reacting and behaving that we have. Still, a person’s level of maturity has more to do with their emotional intelligence — or the way they choose to respond to a challenging situation — rather than their age. How can I work on my own emotional maturity? To develop emotional maturity, you must learn to do things at the right time. In short, maturity is a choice we can all make little by little, day by day. Image: pexels.com … Some will value and honor your opinions (even if they disagree with you), while others will criticize and hate you just because you have a different perspective. They allow us to see that there’s a better way to manage our emotions and how we can respond to distressing events. No excuses. In other words, emotional maturity is when someone can manage their emotions no matter their circumstances. As always, I’m here to tell you that there are no “bad” emotions. You also don’t have the desire to be right all the time. Meaning, you often feel more concern for others and try to find ways of helping. Take this opportunity to introduce a new idea into your mind: Emotional maturity begins when you can accept people and things as they really are. Recognizing how you feel — whether sadness, anger, or embarrassment — can help you understand why you’re reacting the way you are. Tip: At the end of each day, take a couple of minutes to think about one good thing that has happened that day or one aspect of your life that you’re grateful for. As an emotionally mature individual, you know better than to judge a book by its cover, and you take the time to discover his/her real self. You know how to apologize when you’ve done wrong. When you’re under a looming deadline at work, how have you expressed your need for a break? Read on to learn how breast cancer treatments have evolved to…. But you know what? Unfortunately, the price that you pay for replacing authentic human interactions with meaningless first impressions is superficiality. You Know Your Flaws Better Than Anyone Else, 5. Finding joy in the little things is one of the simplest ways to achieve authentic and lasting happiness. Learn about shared symptoms, challenges, therapy, and more. Build the Gratitude Habit with The 90-Day Gratitude Journal, Check out my best-selling journal called “The 90-Day Gratitude Journal: A Mindful Practice for a Lifetime of Happiness.”. For tips on how to develop effective emotional regulation strategies, I strongly recommend this guide. Tip: Think about the hobbies you had as a child, the things that made you happy, not because of some extrinsic reward but simply because you enjoyed doing them. Start accepting your tensions and worries. This can account for why a lot of teen emotions often seem unpredictable. But we learn to handle uncomfortable emotions and adjust our behavior because that’s what mature people do. Cindy Lamothe is a freelance journalist based in Guatemala. Discover the relationship between bipolar and anxiety disorders, which can often co-occur. Whether you like it or not, emotions are (and will always be) part of your day-to-day life, and no amount of rational thinking can justify your reluctance to befriend your feelings. In other words, it’s not about the achievement, but the sustained effort and small victories that get you there. You possess a spirit of humility — instead of complaining about your circumstances, you become action-oriented. Unfortunately, the less responsibility you take for how you feel, the less control you have over your feelings. Of course, numerous factors could explain why some people handle their emotions well, from personality and temperament to parenting styles and self-control. Tip: Although it may sound like a self-help cliché, it’s essential to sit with yourself and write down your flaws. Focusing on realising your vision, you can create a happy, healthy life where you respect yourself and others. Practice mindfulness. When we think of someone who’s emotionally mature, we typically picture a person who has a good understanding of who they are. Given that happiness is a profoundly subjective construct, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to achieving it. Emotional intelligence can evolve over time, as long as you have the desire to increase it. Emotional maturity means being honest about your feelings and building trust with those around you because you don’t have an agenda. 7 Best Apps for Introverts to Date and Find Friends, 33 Famous Optimism Quotes to Look on the Bright Side of Life, 11 Kindness Challenge Ideas and Printables for 2021, 9 Priorities in Life You Need to Focus On, >> Click to Grab the FREE Book: The Morning Routine for Peak Performance<<, 10 Signs of Emotional Maturity (And How to Develop It). In other words, you cease to believe in love at first sight. You also need to be able to identify, and relate to, the emotions of others. Think about how often a day you complain about others or different situations. © 2005-2020 Healthline Media a Red Ventures Company. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. Rather, that you are on the long journey to achieving emotional maturity. Even full-grown adults can have a low maturity level. Looking beyond words and resonating with the emotional vibe of the conversation creates a truly authentic human interaction. In my opinion, the most fascinating (and challenging) aspect of emotional maturity is keeping a balance between focusing on the simple joys of life and having a Eudaimonic perspective on happiness. Check out our guide on protecting your emotional space. Be curious about your approach to others and avoid judging their behavior. Positive vibes only, right!! Thought For Today: Every time we allow someone to move us with anger, we teach them to be angry. In this next section, we take a look at some helpful ways to become more emotionally mature. In other words, emotionally mature people set realistic goals and engage in meaningful and intrinsically rewarding activities. 8 ways to develop emotional maturity. A person with good emotional maturity is capable of making good decisions. Emotional: patience, kindness, the ability to manage anger, etc. Now, “emotional maturity” is a term used on people who have high Emotional Intelligence and have learned to self- regulate. As a result, you tend to be highly reactive to people and circumstances that generate emotional discomfort. Why You Might Feel Like the Most Emotional Person in the Room, The No BS Guide to Organizing Your Feelings, This Quiz Will Help You Discover the Cause of Your Changing Emotions or Mood Shifts, COVID-19 Decision Fatigue: What It Is and How to Deal With It. They listen, learn, and adapt. … They even take it a step further by letting others know about their least desirable traits to prevent awkward or unpleasant situations that may arise because of their “bugs.”. Even if they don’t have all the answers, an emotionally mature individual gives off a sense of “calm amid the storm.” They’re the ones we look to when going through a difficult time because they perform well under stress. One of the most important steps in figuring out how to develop emotional maturity involves acknowledging when you are wrong. Not taking responsibility for your feelings and actions is a guaranteed way to remain emotionally immature for the rest of your life. When faced with adversity and unexpected changes, instead of getting caught up in regrets, self-pity, and disappointment, you make an effort to change your perspective and look for happiness elsewhere. Like everyone else, you are a work in progress, a perfectly imperfect being that, despite making mistakes and acting rashly at times, continues to improve himself/herself. Holding grudges against people doesn’t change their views, nor does it help you deal with their hurtful remarks or actions. Empathy is also the reason why you pause and think about other people’s feelings before you say something that may be construed as offensive or disrespectful. It takes time to develop the trust, communication, and lasting love upon which lasting relationships are built. You can’t expect others to tolerate your character flaws just because you recognize and accept them. Work over your stress and anxiety, and handle them. Then try identifying the underlying emotion. When you have empathy for other people, only good things can come: understanding, compromise, and a greater emotional intelligence all around. Furthermore, emotional maturity involves a certain degree of mental flexibility. Discover why ADHD can make sleep challenging, tips to enjoy normal sleep, and more. have a solution-focused approach to life. These moments of playfulness allow you to cultivate positive emotions and experience a pure form of happiness. But trying to achieve emotional maturity without taking the time to understand how emotions work is like trying to become a surgeon without having a basic understanding of the human body. People ignore the role emotional maturity plays within a relationship because with emotional maturity comes the requirement of being self controlled and responsible for your actions and inactions. That’s why you may meet a much younger person who seems wiser than their years. And yet, you insist that life should treat you fairly, and when it doesn’t, you find it challenging to live with the frustration and disappointment. learn from it. One study found that cigarette smoking and alcohol consumption can also play a significant role in a teen’s developing brain, ultimately affecting how they mature. Maybe you think unpleasant emotions are “bad” and should be avoided at all costs. Life is not a fairy tale where magic wands do wonders. The way you interpret the occasional failures and misfortunes that everyone encounters throughout life matters greatly. In a way, emotionally immature people can’t get over the fact that reality is rarely how they imagine it and that it’s them who need to adapt to the environment, not the other way around. Even though the study was conducted on adolescents, I see no reason why the same ingredients (emotional intelligence and emotional regulation) couldn’t work for adults. After all, emotionally mature individuals. When you’re less mature, the world is full of minor annoyances, and you’re unaware of your own privileges. Healthline Media does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This fact sheet provides examples of behaviours through which adults can support children’s development of emotional maturity. Even though some decisions may (temporarily) generate emotional turmoil, there’s a sense of comfort and personal pride in knowing that you’ve put aside your selfish interests and did what’s right. Emotional maturity is difficult to develop, but can be learned. I’m talking about those situations when something or someone has upset you, and instead of sitting with your emotions, you resort to all kinds of avoidance behaviors. All kids develop at different rates and it may be that a child, with the right balance of expectation and support from parents, will bloom in … Nobody can stay on a winning streak forever, so it’s vital to handle setbacks with patience and self-compassion. If a colleague belittles or puts you down, you won’t stand for it and will let your voice be heard. Becoming upset with others and failing to acknowledge our own needs is a sign that you may need to develop your maturity. By letting go of shame, you’re free to take charge of your life and live on your own terms rather than by other people’s expectations. Emotional maturity is the ability to recognize, understand and manage our own emotions, as well as the ability to recognize, understand, and influence the emotions of other people. Emotional maturity is characterized by an ability to recognize your faults and biases and take ownership when you're wrong. For example, you’ll acknowledge when you need a break and know when to ask your boss for a day off. 1. When your BFF reports a new promotion or that they’ve gotten engaged, how did you react? Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither are relationships. How to develop emotional maturity. And that’s perfectly ok; it’s what any mature person would do. As a psychologist, I can understand why it’s more comfortable to blame others for your misery and unhappiness.